Some Things.

{photo of me by my dear friend Ashley}

I am so sorry that I have neglected my little blog for some time now. The fact of the matter is that I'm experiencing some changes in my life that have been difficult to cope with and have left me unable to put my life into words.

I am embarking on a journey that I am unfamiliar with, uncomfortable with, terrified of, and completely did not expect. My boyfriend and I separated one week ago today after much discussion and anguish. As you all know, we have been a long distance couple since we graduated high school and decided to go to our dream schools that happened to be eight hours apart. It has been a complicated and hard road, but one I thought would last much longer. Although we have had our problems (as every couple does), I never expected this to happen.

Regardless of what happens to Will and me, the road ahead is so scary. I feel lonely and sad. I feel terrified of a future that is completely different from what I had thought. Thank you all for supporting our journey together and for saying such kind words to us. The past few years have been incredible, especially the year we just spent together as an official and healthy couple.

I take comfort in the knowledge that there are so many beautiful and joyful people in the world who have moved on past heartbreak and breakups, whether they got back together with that person or not. I know that no matter what happens, in time I will be okay and a much better person for the struggles I experience. But for now, I will be taking a break from this blog, our blog, to continue my life and work through my present difficulties.

For anyone who is struggling, take comfort in this verse:

"The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing."
-Zephaniah 3:17

Psalm 23

Sometimes, and it's usually the times when I'm desperate,
this is the only thing that gives me comfort.

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in
the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness
will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of
the Lord forever.

This page of my Bible (and I know it's cliche)
is crinkly and is hard to read because
there are dried tear stains and blotches where the ink
has smeared and different colors are mixed.
I know this is so emo, but the past few days have been
low. I hate when I feel unloved and as though no one
cares for me. Weird thoughts go through my head and
I think about things that hurt me and make things worse.

However, when things get that bad, I turn to this passage
and I feel a wholeness where I felt a lack of love and it
makes everything seem not so bad, or at least
that I'll make it through. God is good to me.

Today I am Thankful For

Today I am thankful for best friends who love me. Always.

They make me joyful.

Roommate Love

Roommate bonding day was a complete success!

After a week of a fish tank with no fish, the four of us
made a little stop at Petsmart and found two little fishies!
We named them Tim and Heidi for Project Runway, our
favorite show. Their tank is called The Runway, which
we also decided is the name of our apartment.

Next we had a little photoshoot in the park so that
we have some roommate pictures to hang in our apartment.
Becca's boyfriend Nathan came and took a ton of pictures
of us and I spent a few hours editing them earlier.
They're so lovely!

Then we had dinner at the Cheescake Factory, one of my
favorite restaurants ever. Avocado eggrolls, anyone?

Finally we went to our good friends' house (which I hadn't
been to before) and got our dance on!
It was a wonderful night of dancing, laughing, and
fun times with my roommates and best friends.

I am so blessed because of them.
Roommate photoshoot pictures soon!

Atonement

I haven't posted a book review in a while and as I just finished
Ian McEwan's Atonement I thought I'd post a little review.

I haven't seen the movie so I had no idea what to expect from this book.
We were supposed to read it in my British Lit class last semester
but we ran out of time so I knew it was contemporary British literature
and that excited me because I generally love British writing more than others.

The book is split into three parts. Throughout the parts the story's perspective
rotates between Briony, her older sister Cecilia, and Robbie, the girls' neighbor
who is about the same age as Cecilia. Part one is written in such beautiful
language; it reminded me of Jane Austen and her gorgeous descriptions
of the setting and the details of the scene. I don't want to reveal
too much about the plot because not a lot happens.
Part one introduces a crime which inevitably leads to a hope
for atonement throughout the rest of the novel. The ending was the
best part of the book; not only is it beautifully written, but it is
ambiguous in the best way possible and take the reader
completely off-guard. McEwan is definitely a master.

As I haven't seen the film I can't tell you how the close the two compare,
but I would definitely encourage everyone to read the book regardless.
If you are at all interested in the Romantic period of British literature
or know McEwan and enjoy his work, I would certainly recommend it.

To My Family...

I miss you and I miss all of us being together.


My three siblings and my older sister's two babies.


Aunt Sarah, our nephew Kole, and me.
He was so precious that night. He couldn't stay away from me.


Aunt Sarah cuddling with Kole. Baylee was all over the place
and was difficult to take pictures of but little Kole
was soooo adorably tired and I just wanted to hold him to me forever.

An Anniversary

Happy anniversary, lover.

You're my favorite.